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Scottie_ffgamer
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Name: Scottie
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Independence
Birthday: 12/1/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: My interests are God (first above anything else!), then friends, then singing, then gaming...and in that order. Unless I'm in a really bad mood...then singing MIGHT come before friends...but not likely.
Expertise: Y'know, I don't really think that I could be called an expert at anything. I'm good at a lot of things, but I don't think I could be called an expert. So there ya go.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ff8master_9999@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  scottie19892000
Member Since:
10/8/2005
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| Do you ever just wish that it would all stop? Everything that keeps coming after you. Everything that pulls you down, makes you feel like you're always wrong or that you can never move forward. Do you ever wish that you could just get away? And not just for a day or a week like a vacation, but actually get away from everything. Everything you've ever known, ever had to deal with. Become a completely different person. Leave everyone and everything that your current work makes you who you are and just because someone completely new somewhere completely different. Meet new people who don't know you. Find a new place to live with new neighbors. Get a different job far far away. Somewhere where you could make yourself who you really want to be. You wouldn't have to be held back by the views of those around. You wouldn't be letting anyone down if you didn't live up to what they thought. You wouldn't have to be right or wrong with every one of your decisions. It's people that make something right or wrong. A person can do anything and be neither right nor wrong. It's when a person does something to, with, against, or involving another person in some way that something actually has to be either right or wrong. Even different people view different things as right. In a different society, a different world, right could be to murder your neighbor in the wake of a disturbance; right could be to not drive unless intoxicated. What are we to say what right is when so many things could be right under the correct circumstances, in the correct space or time. We cannot. For us to say what is right is as to putting ourselves above what we are. To claim supremacy over what we are bound to be by this flesh and blood. And yet, we still do so everyday, each and every one of us. I am so tired of such. No one can be judge over someone equal with himself, only toward those whom he is over of above. But people in general are too stupid to realize this. Too many people wander around in their perfect of imperfect little lives condemning those around them and refusing to look inward. Everyone has flaws. Some more and other less, but everyone still has flaws. Even the same flaws. There are no new ills today that did not exist yesterday. And yet, even when someone might come out and admit their flaws, they are again condemned. Condemned for committing the crime, condemned for confessing the crime, condemned for even being willing to change. The world is sick and terrible...and I want no place in it.
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| I realized today that my Xanga actually tells me how long it's been since I joined. 1426 days. That's almost 4 years. Heh, man a lot changes in 4 years. 4 years I was starting my Sophmore year in high school. Crazy stuff. So much has happened. I've met so many people that have touched my life in some way. I had a lot less friends, a lot less people I could trust. I didn't know myself as well. I didn't know what I was doing or where I wanted to be going. I had a lot of ideas that were completely wrong. There are just so many things that have changed since then. It's amazing that I can still claim to be me. Or maybe I'm not me anymore. Maybe I'm just a completely different person. I'd probably think I was absolutely annoying if I had to hang out with myself from 4 years ago.  I'd probably...be disappointed in myself if 4 years ago I had to hang out with myself from now. Hmmm.... | | |
|  Hmmm...the last few days have been pretty awesome.
Yesterday, I went down to Warrensburg and hang out with friends and just see the place. I'm about 90% sure that I'm going to UCM next semester for school. So I went down there to see the college and the places I could stay and what-not. Well, got down there, start talking to Lindsey Smith, and the first thing that comes up is that Joe Johnson, who goes down there too, isn't going to have a roommate next semester and needs to get one. WOOT! All the sudden I'm totally pumped! I have a place to stay! On top of that, by the time next semester comes around, I'll have been working at wal-mart for 6 months, which means I can transfer to another store if I want! Hah! I also have a job! And enough time between now and then to work up some money too.
So we didn't really know what to do by this point, so we decided to run around town and pick up some red stuff! There was a football game that night and 2 of us didn't have anything red to wear.... Somehow, while looking for a thrift store, we stumbled upon a nerdy gaming place. It was like a D&D/Magic heavy place. It was pretty sweet though. I got myself 150 new card protectors for only $6, and Joe picked up this game called Knightmare Chess. It pretty much mixes regular chess with these cards that make it crazy different.
Anyway, after hanging out for a while, we went to RCM down there. It was pretty awesome. There were a lot of people I knew there, and then a lot I didn't. So I was happy because I knew I'd feel comfortable but also have people I could meet and get to know better. 
After that, we went the football game at the stadium there at the college. I decked myself out in a red shirt and red bandanas too. It was pretty fun. They won too, which is always nice.
Then Tyler Hamann and I went to the Wal-Mart down there. Tyler has been going back and forth between KC and Warrensburg a lot for classes, so most of the time he spends the nights up here and not down there, but he had decided he still at least needed a bed down there. So he went to Wal-Mart to get himself a futon (sp?) and I went with him so I could get him a 10% discout because I work there.
Finally, we came back to their apartment and Joe and I played a round of Knightmare Chess. It was AMAZING!!! It totally destroys all regular Chess stratagy! But it made the game so much more interesting too! There are cards that let you kill pieces, cards that let you move in unusual ways, cards that let you move twice, cards that make your opponant take back his last move and make a different one. It was just absolutely crazy! He killed 5 of my pieces with one move at one point! It was really cool. I'm gonna make him play that wit me every night if I end up living there with him.
Anyway, I was going to write about today too...but I've written enough.
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| Bah...tonight has been yet anothing night full of crap.... Why do all the best days always turn downward so fast? How can one single song on the radio that's stuck in the middle of a good conversation just make everything in your life seem wrong? that's amazing, isn't it? Anyway, like you've guessed, tonights been anothing bad night. It seems like the only time I write in this anymore is when I'm depressed. I guess that's a good though. One outlet that my mom CAN'T see. Too many stupid people on facebook telling her what I'm saying on there anymore to really talk on there. That's so annoying. "So what have you been writing on your facebook? People keep telling me you're writing horrible things on there...." Seriously mom, if I'm not going to talk to you about it right off, why would I after a little prodding? Yet another reason why I need away from this place. But yeah, it's been over a month...and I still cry once a week or so.... So pathetic. Yeah yeah, supposed to be the tough guy and all. I don't really care about that.... I've never been a tough guy, I don't see why I should act like one. I'm just sick of being stuck here where I can't do anything. I can't make any freakin money because I have a stupid crappy job, I have no work ethic, I have no higher education, I have no happiness in life. But at least Mom thinks I have a good life. It makes her bug me less about everything. However, I have hit my 3 month at Wal-Mart. That means only 3 more months before I'm eligable for transfer. Maybe then I'll be able to get away from this God-forsaken town and do something with my life. Even if that's only making enough money to live on my own. That's more than I'm doing right now. Still haven't fully decided where I'm going yet tho.... I'm seriously considering Des Moines. It's away...but not REALLY far. I kinda wanna live in Minnasota though...but I'm pulled away from that just for the fact that it's not in the CSD...so I wouldn't be able to compete against CS and people I know if I stayed inside the CSD. That's why I'm thinking Des Moines. A lot of competitions are in Iowa. And I'm sure with a city that big I'd be able to find a chorus somewhere. Maybe I'll even be able to get a quartet together. | | |
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